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Sunday, April 20, 2008
Jager is not cool
Seriously. It's not. It's cliché. Jagermeister. German. Typically downed as a shot, super super cold. The exact recipe of spices or herbs is kept a secret, but I think it is licorice flavored almost. All the frat guys do it and have since my oldest brother was in college 15 years ago. It takes like cough syrup. Chicks do not like it, and if they do I want nothing to do with them. They may as well have Skoal in their lip shotgunning Coors out of the can. Sick.
My friends and I are on a quest to rid the campus of Jager. No, not by ingesting it. We were really into Jager for a long time, pretty much the ring leaders of Jager bombs, pushing it on every one, screaming Jager! Jager! Jager! at the parties. Just like the rest of them. We were shooting the breeze (hung over) and one of them admitted that he hated Jager, I of course immediately chimed in, and the plan was born. No More Jager. Jager is for Losers. We talk it down. We ban it from the house parties. We rag on the other frats when they start their chant. And the chicks kinda like us doing this, I told you they hate Jager. They'll help us by rolling their eyes and walking away from the Jager swilling idiots.
What rocks about this plan is getting to check out all the other choices for shots to go with our beers. So one guy gets us going on Jim Beam. It's masculine. It's cheap. But it's just not cool at all. And it's definitely not gonna be rum. So then we are on to Vodka. Absolut. Every flavor. Definitely cool. There is Kurant, Citron, Mandrin, Raspberri, Ruby Red, all good for shots. Cheap enough, about the same price as Jager. Plenty to mix it with for the girls. Just about anything onhand. Impress a girl by whipping up a Cosmopolitan. But not quite the appeal to try to outchant the Jager chanters, "Vod-KA, vod-KA". Nope. Sounds gay.
The answer is tequila. Patron all the way baby. Chilled only. Silver only. Lime only. No salt.
Well the salt rule is flexible if there is a hot chick that will let you
do a shot off her. If a chick is around that says she can't do shots, a
little squeeze of lime right in the shot is nice. And having the Patron
on hand, if you keep some margarita mix or even just lemonade on hand,
what chick can resist a margarita. As far as I'm concerned, Patron can
be the new Jager and I will never get sick of it. And as much of an
alcoholic as I sound like, I'm just having fun, and do not plan on
having what my older brother called "a bad tequila night", where he got
so sick and so wild that he is sworn off it. I can't imagine. One trip
to Mexico with me could change that though…. (In your Tony Montana
accent, fist banging on the bar) PatRON! PatRON!
