An Open Letter to Ann Coulter
Alexander S. Peak3 March 2007
Dear Ms. Coulter:
As I was driving home Friday, I decided to check out C-SPAN radio, and upon doing so, was greeted with the sound of your voice making a joke about the former Vice President Al Gore.
Throughout your address, you made many jokes, and I have to admit that many of them were funny. But, over all, I couldn’t help but be struck with the feeling that modern conservatives are just like modern liberals. That is to say, both are quite annoying.
I could attempt to respond to each point you made. I could say, for example, that although you may be correct that Al Gore is only now placing solar panels on his house, after thirty years of fighting for environmentalist causes, this may be because solar panels are now less expensive. Perhaps this is a sign that more and more people will be doing the same as Al Gore as the cost of doing so drops. This may likely be a sign that capitalism is saving the environment, one step at a time. I could attempt to respond to each point you made, but I won’t, as it will probably look little different than this, and worse yet, would fail to address the reason I’m writing this letter.
I’m writing to you to let you know one of the problems currently facing the modern conservative movement, a problem your speech Friday inadvertently hit on: no substance of value.
There was no real substance in your speech. I don’t say this to be rude; there just wasn’t. There was nothing said that had the power to make me scream “Yes!”
Let’s put it this way: I don’t care if you think there are more physically attractive conservatives than there are physically attractive liberals. I know physically attractive persons in both camps, and I certainly know some very attractive persons in the libertarian camp, too. But this isn’t substance. If anything, this is what one turns to when one has run out of substance, and, when listening to a speech, this topic will never turn me on to the message.
What I want to hear, what will turn me on, is how our taxes are too high, and how they need to be cut.
Tell me about how I should be free to choose what I put in my own body. Tell me my body is my private property, to be done with as I please. Let me know that this includes the freedom to obtain body art and to rent access, if I so choose, to my body.
Point out that the government is too powerful, and that it has to be cut back significantly in size, scope, and cost. If you want, tell me the REAL ID Act is a “liberal ploy.” But at least stress that it will, ultimately, only give the federal state more control over our lives; that it will only make identity theft even more common; that it won’t do a thing to prevent terrorism or illegal immigration.
Tell me the government has no place in education. Inform me about other education systems which outperform state education. For example, the Sudbury model of schooling.
Say that the government has no place in the Church, that the government should not define marriage. Go on to tell me that if the Roman Catholic Church wants to not ordain homosexual marriage, it should not be forced to do so by the state. Tell me that if the United Church of Christ does want to ordain homosexual marriage, it should not be denied the right to do so by the state. Tell me that if the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints decides to once again ordain polygamous marriages, it, too, should not be discriminated against by the state.
Point out how Medicare and Medicaid need to be abolished. Talk about how the free market can provide better and cheaper medical service than the government ever could, and how government involvement in healthcare has caused the cost thereof to skyrocket over the past few decades. You can even add that this hurts the needy.
Don’t waste our time telling us your opinion on John Edwards’s sexuality—we don’t care. Instead, let me hear that gun rights are human rights. Inform me of the statistical data showing that where conceal and carry is permitted, crime rates in the U.S. drop. Point out that as many as 200,000 women use a gun every year to defend themselves against sexual abuse.
This is what I want to hear. This is what will turn me on. This is what could be separating you from the modern liberals: not petty jokes, but substance. This is what is separating the growing libertarian movement right now from the dying liberal and conservative movements.
These aren’t esoteric subjects. These resonate with people. And, looking at the ’06 election, this is what the conservative movement is lacking: substance that resonates.
Your speech was generally humourous. I’ll certainly give you that. But humour isn’t going to separate your movement from the contemporary liberal movement. And, worse yet for you, the lack of substance will only annoy average citizens like myself and cause us to be just as disgusted with the contemporary conservative movement as we are with its liberal counterpart.
Respectfully yours,
Alex Peak
